Realizing It's All Ok


When you come to terms with something the feeling of resentment and insecurities dissipates. But it takes time. For the past three years of dating Kyle, even a couple weeks into dating, I knew he was the one. Along with that came his brilliant mind that was going to take him away for school. We vowed early in our relationship that we were going to go wherever his schooling took him, together, married or not.

It's always been in the back of my mind that Reno, Nevada would not always be my home. I sit here thinking what I want to type next and I am speechless. I see the cursor flashing back at me, and I get it. I don't have to say or type anything. But my emotions are so haywire at the moment I must try and speak out.

Growing up I moved, I've lived in numerous states. I've made and lost many friends. When we moved to Reno I thought it was it. After years of not being told we were packing up again I felt relieved. I allowed myself to open up to great friendships and build relationships that I had dreamed of. Over the last two years I have learned that those relationships were not what I thought. I am leaving a place I call home with very few relationships built. All in all  I would have to say I am leaving one friend and lots of family. I feel at peace with leaving these relationships, because I am not really leaving them at all. Family will always be family and my friendship is one that has lasted years and I would never in a million years see it coming to an end.

More than anything I am excited to move away just Kyle and I and grow our relationship. Being just us is something I have felt is a far off but now it's only a handful of months away. I know these next two years will be the hardest we have gone through. I have been preparing myself and know that school will be at the forefront. I am ok with that, I know his stressors and I went through his bachelors degree with him. I know this schooling will be harder and he will have a lot more to focus on. I have come to terms that our relationship will be tested and I will not be number one for a short time. Kyle will be studying and I will be working in a job that I have never done before. I will be in a high stress environment as well. We both are going to change, and hopefully grow together in these changes. Our boy Opie is going to be our best friend and scapegoat more than we will like to admit. But he is a great cuddler.

For those of you still reading, thank you, I am just rambling more than anything. As I mentioned, I've known this was coming. We found out in October that Kyle has been accepted into a program and we would be moving. The excitement of this moment overshadowed any fears until this past week. I have felt depressed. Yes, it's new beginning and I am excited. But this is huge. I will be living in a new area, finding a new place to live, starting a new career path, and supporting Kyle and I. I supported myself just fine before Kyle moved it, and we supported ourselves great together. But now it's just me supporting two people and one dog. Talk about a lot of pressure.

When we are moving? We aren't sure. Our current lease is up at the end of June but school starts in July. I want to move in May. Fortunate for us my aunt lives in Montana and will be allowing us to take refuge in her place till we find our new home. I just can't imagine Kyle starting school in the middle of us moving into a place. Therefore we must move early and get ourselves settled for the easiest transition possible. But as you can tell May is not June and our apartment complex is anal.

At this point I don't mind paying early term fees, moving, and all the other stress. This depression I have found myself in has been more calming than anything, which is weird. I have been finding myself realizing that as strange as my world is getting I am ok with it.

You just never know where life is going to take you. You aren't supposed to know, you aren't supposed to have it planned out. This change is going to allow for so much growth. I will experience a new life that I never saw coming. This here is just the beginning of the greatest adventure.